20 Things I learned from replaying Tomb Raider II


1. It’s absolutely unreasonable to pick something up unless you’re standing directly over it and just behind it.

2. Jumping through plate glass windows will not damage you at all, nor will shattered glass be left behind.

3. Despite being an amazingly athletic woman who’s travelled the world and been through enough perilous, life-threatening situations to put a normal person in therapy for the rest of their years, despite being able to survive the harshest terrains and traverse them without breaking a sweat – you cannot manage a slightly slanted surface

4. You can survive perfectly well in a room completely whose four walls are made of cascading lava. The heat will not be an issue at all.

5. It’s not necessary to open your mouth to talk; just bob your head and the sound will come out anyway.

6. Burly Italian Mafia-cultists cannot be blown up with a single grenade. Two grenades, however…

7. Everything you find on your travels is interesting and curious, prompting a fitting response of “Aha!”

8. Jumping from a pier into a boat will automatically turn you around the proper way and said boat will start immediately.

9. To put something in a backpack, you only need put it in the vicinity of your shoulders.

10. Taking a step forward, then back, then turning around three times and jumping will make you explode.


11. …but lighting a flare first will keep you safe.

12. Deep below the Great Wall of China (yet somehow high, high above it too) are a series of floating islands that are all kinds of creepy awesome.

13. To keep warm in the mountains of Tibet, you only need to put on a jacket.


14. Icicles and stage lights will become suicidal if you walk underneath them.

15. There are only three types of switches in the world; levers to pull down with both hands, buttons on a wall, and levers that can only be pulled if they’re underwater.

16. An M-16 is a great weapon, but ultimately pretty impractical. You’ll end up preferring your Uzis, even though they’re so 1996.

17. You can lock your butler in a freezer without so much as a twinge of guilt.

18. Traps built thousands of years in the past will function perfectly despite having received no maintenance whatsoever in the interim time. You’ll also never look for a practical way around them, but merely try to avoid them on your travels.

19. It’s not possible to step on spiders or kick rats away – you must shoot them. Should you have one on hand, a grenade launcher is a perfectly appropriate level of firepower for this action.

20. Proportionally, your bed is roughly the size of a Humvee. There is nothing odd about this.

21.  THE GAME IS STILL AWESOME!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s