Ever have those songs that start out really well, and then just die off almost straight away? Yeah, I do too.
10. “Sexy Boy” by Air
This is a cool song. It’s not amazing, but it is fantastic when a soundtrack uses it well. The real problem with the song, other than the usual lack of anywhere to go after its intro, is how polar-opposite the chorus and verses are. That dark groove that opens the song, along with the breathy, erotic repetitions of “sexy boy” set up a tone for a deep and sexy song – but then the verses come along in their cutesy uplifting French, and it’s just too much of a change in mood. This would be like getting down and dirty with some hot-bodied gorgeous thing, only to then have her turn out to be a 12-year-old. It’s just too dissonant, and it stops you enjoying the song as much as you can. Which is a shame, because the song is actually pretty cool.
9. “Breathe Me” by Sia
I’m gonna have to dodge the flaming arrows of Sia fans on this one, but Breathe Me is too long a song without anywhere near enough variation. Breathy, tortured vocals are alright in moderation, but this song is almost like it’s horny for being depressed, and it just can’t get off. Now, I do like the song – the piano at the start is beautiful, but once the song gets past its intro, it just seems like more of the same. I constantly skip it when it comes on the ol’ iPod, because in the end, I’ll just wind up spending four and a half minutes listening to Sia croak ennui into a microphone.
8. “Beggin'” by Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons
Now, this almost pains me to write – but rap has improved this song. The Madcon cover is able to correct everything that the Frankie Valli version has wrong with it. The initial hook of the song is diabolically catchy – you hear it just the once, and for months – and months – and months, you will have “Beggin’…beggin’ youu-oo-oo-ooooooo…put your lovin’ hands out baby!” repeating in your head like a particularly danceable cancer on your mind. Problem is, that hook isn’t enough to sustain an entire song, and the Valli version is essentially nothing but that hook. The different verses of rap in the Madcon cover break it up perfectly and you find yourself enjoying it, but the Valli one just leaves you wanting to end once it starts.
7. “Hey Jude” by The Beatles
This one can probably be blamed on hearing it roughly 724, 678, 195 times at my aunt’s wedding (her name is Judy, there was alcohol, the repetition was inevitable). That said, I also think this is one of the most overrated Beatles songs. It’s nice, I like it, but it’s just a bit…wishy-washy. But quality of the song aside, the “naaaaa naaaaa naaaaaa na-na-na-naaaaaa” goes on for too long. And admittedly, this is the song taking too long to end, because for the most part it’s welcome is kept invited. But then it becomes like that friend who won’t leave even after you say you’re going to bed.
6. “Ready to Go” by Republica
Ready To Go is another one of those songs that is perfect for a soundtrack where the song itself is not the main focus, but on it’s own, it’s got, ironically, nowhere to go. The intro is cool, the agro-punk-techno surging after it is also cool, and it’s palatable up until about the end of the first chorus. After that, it just does nothing, and the intensity of that agro-punk-techno just grinds you down into being sick of it. Also, it doesn’t help that:
In this exact style right heeeere
And then a third line’s sung quite cleeeear
But after that you’re fucking booored
You just want Saffron (the vocalist – and that’s another thing – the song would be better if its singer’s name wasn’t a spice) to kind of tone down the bored-chic stylings of the vocals.
That said, this is probably my favourite song on this list – if you’re doing something with the song, like cleaning the house or going for a run – it’s fine; if you’re listening to music recreationally – it’s a drag.
5. “Du Hast” by Rammstein
This song is kind of ridiculous in how over the top it is anyway, but really, the only reason it needs to exist is for that moment when the drums and guitars kick in after the whine of the synth intro. Now, that moment – that is sheer awesomeness. Then the song dies in the arse once Till Lindemann starts singing – the awesomeness of the song up until now gives over to ridiculous amounts of Teutonic camp. And then by the end of it I’m bored. But that first bit – awesome.
4. “Red Alert” by Basement Jaxx
Basement Jaxx are cool, and I love a lot of their music, and every time I hear Red Alert, I get all psyched up for it but after a while, the constant (albeit masterfully constructed) quirks of the song just get draining… It also doesn’t help that lyrically, the song is “Verse, Bridge, Repeat” – it never builds up to a proper chorus and by the end it’s just chasing its tail – although I will concede that in the music video above it seems less repetitive what with everything going on in that clip.
3. “Oh Yeah” by Yello
More commonly known as “The Ferris Bueller Song” this is just another example of a song having nowhere to go unless it’s being used on a soundtrack. Ferris Bueller has forever associated this song with greed and excess, so when you listen to it on its own, it’s like a douchebag in a nightclub crying out “I’m awesome!” – pretty painful. I’ll admit though – I do love the “chick…chick…chicka-chicka” just for its ludicrousness. It’s a fun song, I guess, but it’s just too little for too long.
2. “You Give Love a Bad Name” by Bon Jovi
This one’s the same problem as Du Hast just in a much tighter timeframe – after you get past the opening lines, the song is just shit. I won’t even say I actually like the song and just get sick of it towards the end, no – I like the opening line and that’s it. Sorry Bon Jovi fans – this song is terrible except for that opener. That’s not to say I don’t like Bon Jovi – they’ve a few good songs under their belt, but I’ve never understood the appeal of this one – except that opening second.
1. “Song 2” by Blur
So yeah, we have every car advertisement and action movie trailer in the world to thank for perpetuating this song’s – ahem – ”popularity.” This song starts off okay — and I mean a heavy emphasis on “okay” – it’s not great but it is okay — and then once you get a “woo-hoo” in, it’s spent the entirety of it’s charm. The lyrics – what little there are of them – are whingy and annoying, and the song just fucks around until it gets back to it’s oh-so-charming “woo-hoos” by which point I’m skipping it, and every advertisement out there is using it to ramp up the “energy” of their lifeless products. Seriously, how many commercials has this fucking arsewreck of a song been in?